6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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