just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
