Kareoke will never be a sober sport
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
