3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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