have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
