too bad you live with your parents still
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
