ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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