Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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