Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
