I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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