it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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