I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
