shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize