who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
