this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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