Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
