Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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