Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
