Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
