I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
