Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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