I must be too annoying 4 u.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
