Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
