Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
