A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
