For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
