there's paper in my vomit.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
