Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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