i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
