Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
