just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
