the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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