She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
