im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
