I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
