I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
