If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
