I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
