hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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