the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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