Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize