dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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