At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
