Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
