I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
