.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
