and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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