dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
