dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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