I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
