I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
