well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize