Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
