You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
