okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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