I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
