I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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