You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
