the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
