Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
