maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
