he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
