Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
