please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
