I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize