i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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