now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
