Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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