Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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